It's 2 am on the morning of my fifth day. As with any large undertaking, there is a period of adjustment and let's face it... mine is just beginning.
Monday wasn't bad, though I didn't make it to meal six. I was so tired of eating that I went home and crawled in bed without having had my lean and green. Tuesday was better, had leftover steak in the fridge (from my Death Row dinner on Sunday), but no veggies. Money's been super tight. Shopping hasn't been a priority. Already, I'm seeing how things have gone from questionable to downright idiotic in my eating habits in the past. Puttin' an end to that nonsense right away.
Wednesday was the welcome lunch for my new boss, and I worried that dining out would be a problem, but it really wasn't. Had the most delicious seafood salad, that was completely on program and would probably not have been my choice otherwise. Funny how that works. Then after I got out of my photography class, I found myself unable to stomach the idea of another sweet thing, and was a craving savory, salty, meaty something. Thinking I would still try to be "good", I got a protien style hamburger from Carl's Jr. EPIC DISASTER! My body HATED that choice and I got a bit sick.
A couple of mornings this week, I've woken up lightheaded and a bit woozy to the tummy. I'm taking this as part of my body adjusting to things. Suddenly giving up Diet Coke, I suspect, had everything to do with feeling super sick and having the world's most heinous headache. Its happened before when I tried to give DC up, so I know this will pass.
I can already see how I am going to survive on this program. Mostly it will come down to bars and the drinks and the crisps. They're all palatable, if not obnoxiously sweet, and FAR better than I would otherwise choose during the course of my day. Now that I'm about to get back into the pottery studio, it's going to be even more essential to have “good” meals be that easy and handy.
As for changes thus far, I have been remiss in measuring myself. I will this weekend. But I can already tell you that my body is feeling much different. My clothes are already looser, my feet and ankles aren't swollen by the end of a day of sitting at my desk, my energy is high, my mood is pretty good and while my hormones are clearly going through a shock / adjustment I suspect that will get on track soon enough.
Now, as I lay my head down to catch a few Zzzzs before work, I can still taste that horrible chemical aftertaste in my mouth. I'll get used to it. After all, I didn't always like Diet Coke.
This weekend, creating inspiration...
Friday, January 29, 2010
Monday, January 25, 2010
Take Shape For Life – Day One:
To say that I’m excited about finally starting this program would be a crass understatement. Ever since I decided this was the move I wanted to make, I’ve been feeling like a revved up racehorse, anxiously waiting for the starter gun to go off. Getting the order placed for the first month’s food was a trial in and of itself (and less so thanks to KJ), but once that obstacle was overcome it became clear that another, more daunting task lay ahead; figuring out which of these “meals” are going to be palatable for the duration of the program.
Right away I’ll be frank and say that the oatmeal is one of the worst things I’ve ever eaten. I suspect the pretense of sweetener is the culprit, nevertheless a wholly unsatisfying experience in terms of flavor and texture. Was I full? Pretty much, I’m shocked to admit. If nothing it else, that chemical aftertaste served as a severely good motivation to drink more water! HA! My TSFL Heath Coach assures me that my taste buds will adjust. That may be. I feel like maybe I could just do without the oatmeal and eat something else. After all this program is about getting the weight off, developing a life-long healthy relationship with food and convenience of not having to count calories and spend my whole weekend fixing meals in advance. It’s not to retrain my taste buds to enjoy food that isn’t actually delicious. I would genuinely hate that. Good food is art to me. I certainly wouldn’t let someone jab out my eyes just because gazing at Calder mobiles all day made me tubby!
That said, some of this stuff actually is reasonably tasty. Right away, I can tell that the Mint Chocolate bars are going to be a regular go-to. I’m sure there are those who would find this ironic, but I don’t crave and choose to eat sweets very often and a lot of this stuff gears toward the sweet tooth. Usually, I do want a little sweet thing after a particularly savory meal, but often a mint would do just fine and any over-consumption of candies has been due to having nothing else quick to grab out of the machine at work. So when I look at the vast majority of the food in the big box that arrived on Friday, I find these questions coming to mind, “Will this program cause me to crave sweets as a result? Or will I have so many sweet things that I pretty much never want anything sweet again?” Time, I suppose, will tell.
Its 5:39 and I’ve just eaten meal FIVE of the day. I can’t believe I still have one more to eat. I’m sitting here thinking, “Dear GOD, I don’t think I can fit any more in.” The reality is that I don’t normally eat this much which is largely why I have been packing the weight on. The assumption that all big people are constantly “hoovering” in mass quantities of snack cakes and bacon and cleaning out the buffets is, at this point, ridiculously ignorant. Some do! But we all get to this place by different routes. For me, lately, my bane has been lacking time and appetite, crossed with 12 hours of sitting at a desk. Generally I would eat two big meals a day. One at lunch time (then sit), then one after work (and sleep). Even with waiting three hours before bed, your body isn’t going to kick in the metabolism that way. So eating constantly during the day is momentarily a massive shock to my body. It’s not as though the meals are huge. But the cocoa is really filling (which I had for meal three) and it took me a while to drink it while I work. The bars aren’t huge either, but if you listen to your body, they fill you enough without making you feel like pleasant. Even the heinous oatmeal put a dent in my hunger quite easily and I had soy crisps for a snack. So four meals and a snack more than I’m used to having by this time of day, I am stuffed! I’m fine. I avoided not one but TWO birthday cakes, donuts, scones, pizza and hot wings… and there is no part of me that feels deprived.
It’s all about deciding that this is what I want… to succeed. There will still be cake when I’m done. There will still be hot wings and pizza. I may not want them or crave them, but if I do, they will be there. And by then, I will be working out so regularly and living so much healthier that one indulgence won’t kill me. So even with the horrid oatmeal, I feel well supported for the road ahead.
Coming soon... the before photo and measurements!
Right away I’ll be frank and say that the oatmeal is one of the worst things I’ve ever eaten. I suspect the pretense of sweetener is the culprit, nevertheless a wholly unsatisfying experience in terms of flavor and texture. Was I full? Pretty much, I’m shocked to admit. If nothing it else, that chemical aftertaste served as a severely good motivation to drink more water! HA! My TSFL Heath Coach assures me that my taste buds will adjust. That may be. I feel like maybe I could just do without the oatmeal and eat something else. After all this program is about getting the weight off, developing a life-long healthy relationship with food and convenience of not having to count calories and spend my whole weekend fixing meals in advance. It’s not to retrain my taste buds to enjoy food that isn’t actually delicious. I would genuinely hate that. Good food is art to me. I certainly wouldn’t let someone jab out my eyes just because gazing at Calder mobiles all day made me tubby!
That said, some of this stuff actually is reasonably tasty. Right away, I can tell that the Mint Chocolate bars are going to be a regular go-to. I’m sure there are those who would find this ironic, but I don’t crave and choose to eat sweets very often and a lot of this stuff gears toward the sweet tooth. Usually, I do want a little sweet thing after a particularly savory meal, but often a mint would do just fine and any over-consumption of candies has been due to having nothing else quick to grab out of the machine at work. So when I look at the vast majority of the food in the big box that arrived on Friday, I find these questions coming to mind, “Will this program cause me to crave sweets as a result? Or will I have so many sweet things that I pretty much never want anything sweet again?” Time, I suppose, will tell.
Its 5:39 and I’ve just eaten meal FIVE of the day. I can’t believe I still have one more to eat. I’m sitting here thinking, “Dear GOD, I don’t think I can fit any more in.” The reality is that I don’t normally eat this much which is largely why I have been packing the weight on. The assumption that all big people are constantly “hoovering” in mass quantities of snack cakes and bacon and cleaning out the buffets is, at this point, ridiculously ignorant. Some do! But we all get to this place by different routes. For me, lately, my bane has been lacking time and appetite, crossed with 12 hours of sitting at a desk. Generally I would eat two big meals a day. One at lunch time (then sit), then one after work (and sleep). Even with waiting three hours before bed, your body isn’t going to kick in the metabolism that way. So eating constantly during the day is momentarily a massive shock to my body. It’s not as though the meals are huge. But the cocoa is really filling (which I had for meal three) and it took me a while to drink it while I work. The bars aren’t huge either, but if you listen to your body, they fill you enough without making you feel like pleasant. Even the heinous oatmeal put a dent in my hunger quite easily and I had soy crisps for a snack. So four meals and a snack more than I’m used to having by this time of day, I am stuffed! I’m fine. I avoided not one but TWO birthday cakes, donuts, scones, pizza and hot wings… and there is no part of me that feels deprived.
It’s all about deciding that this is what I want… to succeed. There will still be cake when I’m done. There will still be hot wings and pizza. I may not want them or crave them, but if I do, they will be there. And by then, I will be working out so regularly and living so much healthier that one indulgence won’t kill me. So even with the horrid oatmeal, I feel well supported for the road ahead.
Coming soon... the before photo and measurements!
Monday, January 18, 2010
A new journey begins.
A year ago, on March 27, I commented to a friend about how much slimmer she looked. I was thrilled for her, knowing she'd wrestled with how to get the weight off previously and she explained that she and her boyfriend had gone on a program that she found through her friend Anita and that Anita would be at her birthday party the following night if I wanted to learn more about it.
At the time, I remember my stomach tying in knots. It always does when someone has a suggestion about how I can lose weight. I'm always fearful that they're going to become dogged about it with me, checking on every weigh in, watching everything I eat (which has happened to me so many times I've lost count). Even now, I can't be certain if the vomiting and headache that ensued later that night and for the entirety of the next two days (thus disallowing me to go to the party) was the over-exposure to the sun or some kind of resistance to being approached by a diet peddler. Perhaps it was both.
Five months later, at the boyfriend's birthday party, I finally met Anita. In fact I probably spent nearly the entire party talking with her about various things, and even a bit about the program she works with called Take Shape For Life, which (as I understand it thus far) is a combination of the Medifast diet and personalized support from a Health Coach (ie. Anita).
I can't say now what made me think this program would be the right one for me. After all, I know I can lose weight with the Suzanne Sommers diet. I have, I do. But I think it came down to a combination of things. First, the testimonies from my friends who had utilized the program, third-person testimonies and finally one of the biggest draws... not having to think about food for a while.
It may sound strange to hear, but a good deal of the weight carry now is largely due to being utterly sick to death of trying to figure out today what I want to eat tomorrow and so on. Then there's the lack of refrigerator/freezer space where I live, the fact that we've had a barely functioning stove/oven for the last two years and the stress of a constantly changing job. The idea, right now, of having all my meals be thought out and ready is like a miracle. Finally, I had asked my doctor about eight years ago (when I'd lost a considerable amount of weight and hit a horrible plateau I couldn't get past) to put me on a meal replacement program and was denied. Instead I was offered drugs that would cost me $200 a week and would most likely be the cause of my regularly losing my bowels. Nothing like a little anal leakage amongst friends, right? So this was the kind of thing I'd hoped for and when I couldn't get it through my doctor, had pretty much given up. I can't describe the demoralization that comes from having lost 70 pounds and still be wearing the same clothing size and to know you've put in ungodly amounts of work and sacrificed to see nearly no results. It finally came down to this being a bit of a no brainer.
Still as appealing as this program sounded, and as fed up as I am with carrying around all the excess weight, there was a major hurdle... cost. Coming up with 300 dollars a month for food has been impossible. It'd be one thing if the food would show up at my door the next day, but I'd still have to eat and pay for life's little expenditures in the mean time. So although I had originally set a date to place the order in December, it took until now to get it situated.
Last night I finally placed the order and I couldn't be more excited. I know it's not going to be a complete cake walk (so to speak). Most of my socializing is done around food for a very good reason! It's economically more sensible. It's very difficult to have separate budgets for food AND entertainment. And now, knowing that orders are going to be automatically generated every month, I'm going to have to crack down even harder. But I know I can do it. I AM DOING IT. A year from now, I will be finally be able to look into the mirror and see myself without having to look beyond the pain and bad choices of my past.
Admittedly I'm scared of the changes that will inevitably come with this commitment. I know there will be some great benefits, but there will be loose skin (which will require surgery to remove) and some social changes that I have found difficult to deal with in the past. You can never underestimate how many people that are around you that need you to stay the same.
Still I've spent a lot of time besting demons and dealing with the past so I can go forward and not ever go back. I'm working again on my book, so I can purge all the stuff that haunts me, and once it's out, I won't look back. There's no need. In any journey there will always be a place of origin, I don't plan on ever going back, so there's no point in remembering how to get there.
At the time, I remember my stomach tying in knots. It always does when someone has a suggestion about how I can lose weight. I'm always fearful that they're going to become dogged about it with me, checking on every weigh in, watching everything I eat (which has happened to me so many times I've lost count). Even now, I can't be certain if the vomiting and headache that ensued later that night and for the entirety of the next two days (thus disallowing me to go to the party) was the over-exposure to the sun or some kind of resistance to being approached by a diet peddler. Perhaps it was both.
Five months later, at the boyfriend's birthday party, I finally met Anita. In fact I probably spent nearly the entire party talking with her about various things, and even a bit about the program she works with called Take Shape For Life, which (as I understand it thus far) is a combination of the Medifast diet and personalized support from a Health Coach (ie. Anita).
I can't say now what made me think this program would be the right one for me. After all, I know I can lose weight with the Suzanne Sommers diet. I have, I do. But I think it came down to a combination of things. First, the testimonies from my friends who had utilized the program, third-person testimonies and finally one of the biggest draws... not having to think about food for a while.
It may sound strange to hear, but a good deal of the weight carry now is largely due to being utterly sick to death of trying to figure out today what I want to eat tomorrow and so on. Then there's the lack of refrigerator/freezer space where I live, the fact that we've had a barely functioning stove/oven for the last two years and the stress of a constantly changing job. The idea, right now, of having all my meals be thought out and ready is like a miracle. Finally, I had asked my doctor about eight years ago (when I'd lost a considerable amount of weight and hit a horrible plateau I couldn't get past) to put me on a meal replacement program and was denied. Instead I was offered drugs that would cost me $200 a week and would most likely be the cause of my regularly losing my bowels. Nothing like a little anal leakage amongst friends, right? So this was the kind of thing I'd hoped for and when I couldn't get it through my doctor, had pretty much given up. I can't describe the demoralization that comes from having lost 70 pounds and still be wearing the same clothing size and to know you've put in ungodly amounts of work and sacrificed to see nearly no results. It finally came down to this being a bit of a no brainer.
Still as appealing as this program sounded, and as fed up as I am with carrying around all the excess weight, there was a major hurdle... cost. Coming up with 300 dollars a month for food has been impossible. It'd be one thing if the food would show up at my door the next day, but I'd still have to eat and pay for life's little expenditures in the mean time. So although I had originally set a date to place the order in December, it took until now to get it situated.
Last night I finally placed the order and I couldn't be more excited. I know it's not going to be a complete cake walk (so to speak). Most of my socializing is done around food for a very good reason! It's economically more sensible. It's very difficult to have separate budgets for food AND entertainment. And now, knowing that orders are going to be automatically generated every month, I'm going to have to crack down even harder. But I know I can do it. I AM DOING IT. A year from now, I will be finally be able to look into the mirror and see myself without having to look beyond the pain and bad choices of my past.
Admittedly I'm scared of the changes that will inevitably come with this commitment. I know there will be some great benefits, but there will be loose skin (which will require surgery to remove) and some social changes that I have found difficult to deal with in the past. You can never underestimate how many people that are around you that need you to stay the same.
Still I've spent a lot of time besting demons and dealing with the past so I can go forward and not ever go back. I'm working again on my book, so I can purge all the stuff that haunts me, and once it's out, I won't look back. There's no need. In any journey there will always be a place of origin, I don't plan on ever going back, so there's no point in remembering how to get there.
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