It's been a little over a month since I began the Take Shape For Life program. To say that it has not been an easy month would be a ridiculous understatement. Work was utter hell, was trying to deal with selling a property in New York (that we've been trying to sell for a year and a half), and lots of weird health issues meant making the transition into the year of this program a less than smooth one. Still I feel pretty aclimated to the food and routine on most levels. Here's what's been going on...
Health: I have a lot more energy. No bones about that! Sometimes, so much so, that I feel a little "high". I'll chalk that up to the drastic change from being so "Blah" I could barely move (and rarely wanted to). Now the downside, something's throwing off my hormones in a really unhappy way. I've seen the doctor but all we can come up with is a vitamin deficiency, but I've had what feels akin to major PMS for a month. Wrenched back, constant spotting, pressure/bloating, major mood swings. One minute the pain's there, the next it's gone, then it's back, then it's gone, etc. NOT fun. It seems to be subsiding now. We'll see.
Hunger: Not hungry. I'm still not wanting to eat as much as I need to. Even tho most of it is drinking since I ran out of anything crunchy a week or so ago. I will say this, when I don't eat on time (and it's rare that I don't), I actually FEEL hungry. I wasn't experiencing that before, because I think I'd slowed my metabolism down so severely that it no longer sent me true hunger triggers. I'm still going through the struggle of "food = bad, less food = good" in my head. Intellectually I get it, but I guess it's still so planted in my psyche that it's like a frickin' weed! I keep working on it tho.
Naughty: Yup, I've fallen off the wagon once or twice. I'm not going to get upset about it either. I've got a year of this program and I'm going to make it, even if it means "training wheels." Also, I'm not ready to get up at 7:30 in the morning on my weekends just to eat. Not. Not at all. Nope! But once I get my next shipment, I AM willing to keep bars by my bedside, wake up, eat my bar, and go back to sleep. THAT I can do. The important thing is that during my waking hours I follow it. Even after a concert, sitting in an IHOP, staring at my piece of garlic toast and thinking I could get away with it. There was talk of having it taken away. I said, "No. I need to be a big girl about not eating that. It's not worth it."
Nice: Having told co-workers about my program has actually worked to my advantage thus far. It's kept me honest. They're rooting for me. People are starting to notice the difference and tell me so. Are there those who are making "suggestions" that won't work with the program? Sure. Of course. But for once, they seem reasonable about backing down. Noticing that my pants are much looser has been pretty sweet too. But the thing that I am currently wild about... my inner thighs. For a while, they had gotten so big that I could feel them pushing my legs apart when I walked. It was killing my hips. Now, not so much. I can totally feel the difference. That's making me pretty happy. If that's where I am 30 pounds down, I can't wait to feel what it's like 180 pounds down!
Truth: This program is not cheap and I am not wealthy. Having to come up with an alternate food budget on top of the program budget has thrown off the rest of my finances in a truly unpleasant way. I'm having to constantly borrow from next week to pay for something I need this week. My entertainment budget (which is more necessary than ever, considering that food was my entertainment up until recently), has all but vanished. I'm still trying to work that out. It's not easy. But most of that is because I don't make enough money. That's another something I'm working on.
Forward: Now that I've gotten an idea of what tastes good, what I can sustain myself on, etc, I think month #2 is going to go a lot smoother. The next shipment is all stuff I like enough to want to eat five times a day. The food I have to consume until it comes... oh LORD! It's gonna be a tough couple weeks!!! LOL
Stay tuned... more to come!
Showing posts with label weight loss. Show all posts
Showing posts with label weight loss. Show all posts
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Day 11: Well on my way
Since I received my food delivery on January 22, I did a bit of a “soft start” over that weekend with the intention of having the full start be the following Monday. As of February 2nd I have lost 12 program pounds. Not a bad start at all. Getting ready to begin the program I probably shot myself in the foot by going to all the places I believed I would miss and eating what I wanted. Even so, I know I had to have taken some of the “overage” from the last year off before my first weigh in. At my recent biggest, I was easily 380. Getting that close to 400 is terrifying and I felt the weight swallowing me up. Oh LORD, I felt it. Now, waving goodbye to 360 (I’m at 356 right now), I know I will never get on a scale and see those numbers again (unless I’m standing on a scale WITH someone! LOL) and there’s nothing sad about that.
Having been on MANY, many weight loss programs before, I know that at my size, caloric and sodium consumption, that water weight is the first to go. If you had seen my swollen feet and fingers a month ago, you’d probably wonder why I didn’t lose more weight in water. At night, I would pretty much be walking on balloons, after sitting all day, with little circulation. With my fingers, the change in that loss was so noticeable, that Tuesday they caught my eye while I was reaching for something and literally startled me into staring at them. They looked a bit as though they were recently popped balloons themselves; a little wrinkly and definitely slimmer.
How am I feeling? That’s a really good question. It’s hard to pinpoint exactly what the feeling in my gut is. I find it hard to believe that it’s hunger all the time, since there’s so much stress and anxiety (about other, harder things in my life) occupying that space. Whatever that feeling is, it’s not compelling me to eat things I shouldn’t or even eat when I’m not scheduled to. In fact, I’m still having a hard time getting all the meals in per day. I’m making it more now than I was, but still… hard. Energy wise, I couldn’t be happier. I mean, I’m still waddling around in a 356 pound body, so it’s not like I’m signing up for marathons just yet, but I get around a lot easier. Again, I noticed on Tuesday that a trip up the ramp of the parking structure at work used to wind me, and I flew up with ease that night. Seeing where this is heading is so exciting, I can’t stand it!
Something that I find startling, is how BAD my post-work routine had gotten and how much I came to deeply depend on FLAVOR (not necessarily being naughty) to soothe me. I’ll admit now to having consumed in abundance, enjoying the sensation of taste, while not enjoying the effect the food was having on my body. All this because of how unhappy I was at work and then I became just as unhappy to be at home. Even now, I have a hard time getting out of the car when I get home, because I just don’t want to go in. I will also admit… that I was well aware of the choice I was making. It had just come to a point of deciding that food would be the lesser evil of abundant alcohol or some sort of drugs (neither of which are my thing). The further I get away from two serving meals, the more I seriously question THAT rationale. But I do remember one night thinking, “This has got to stop!” and my own mind answering, “I don’t have any physical contact with someone loving. Am I to deprive myself of EVERY physical pleasure?”
It’s difficult to detail how much life struggle is strangling my insides, especially my stomach (where I hold my stress) and how flavor seemed to make better. So there’ll be no “I have NO idea how I got here” quotes from me on this blog. I know exactly how I got here, and I know exactly how I’m getting out and not EVER getting back to this place.
This weekend I start working out again. Thrilled. Simply… thrilled.
Having been on MANY, many weight loss programs before, I know that at my size, caloric and sodium consumption, that water weight is the first to go. If you had seen my swollen feet and fingers a month ago, you’d probably wonder why I didn’t lose more weight in water. At night, I would pretty much be walking on balloons, after sitting all day, with little circulation. With my fingers, the change in that loss was so noticeable, that Tuesday they caught my eye while I was reaching for something and literally startled me into staring at them. They looked a bit as though they were recently popped balloons themselves; a little wrinkly and definitely slimmer.
How am I feeling? That’s a really good question. It’s hard to pinpoint exactly what the feeling in my gut is. I find it hard to believe that it’s hunger all the time, since there’s so much stress and anxiety (about other, harder things in my life) occupying that space. Whatever that feeling is, it’s not compelling me to eat things I shouldn’t or even eat when I’m not scheduled to. In fact, I’m still having a hard time getting all the meals in per day. I’m making it more now than I was, but still… hard. Energy wise, I couldn’t be happier. I mean, I’m still waddling around in a 356 pound body, so it’s not like I’m signing up for marathons just yet, but I get around a lot easier. Again, I noticed on Tuesday that a trip up the ramp of the parking structure at work used to wind me, and I flew up with ease that night. Seeing where this is heading is so exciting, I can’t stand it!
Something that I find startling, is how BAD my post-work routine had gotten and how much I came to deeply depend on FLAVOR (not necessarily being naughty) to soothe me. I’ll admit now to having consumed in abundance, enjoying the sensation of taste, while not enjoying the effect the food was having on my body. All this because of how unhappy I was at work and then I became just as unhappy to be at home. Even now, I have a hard time getting out of the car when I get home, because I just don’t want to go in. I will also admit… that I was well aware of the choice I was making. It had just come to a point of deciding that food would be the lesser evil of abundant alcohol or some sort of drugs (neither of which are my thing). The further I get away from two serving meals, the more I seriously question THAT rationale. But I do remember one night thinking, “This has got to stop!” and my own mind answering, “I don’t have any physical contact with someone loving. Am I to deprive myself of EVERY physical pleasure?”
It’s difficult to detail how much life struggle is strangling my insides, especially my stomach (where I hold my stress) and how flavor seemed to make better. So there’ll be no “I have NO idea how I got here” quotes from me on this blog. I know exactly how I got here, and I know exactly how I’m getting out and not EVER getting back to this place.
This weekend I start working out again. Thrilled. Simply… thrilled.
Friday, January 29, 2010
Day Five: Figuring it out
It's 2 am on the morning of my fifth day. As with any large undertaking, there is a period of adjustment and let's face it... mine is just beginning.
Monday wasn't bad, though I didn't make it to meal six. I was so tired of eating that I went home and crawled in bed without having had my lean and green. Tuesday was better, had leftover steak in the fridge (from my Death Row dinner on Sunday), but no veggies. Money's been super tight. Shopping hasn't been a priority. Already, I'm seeing how things have gone from questionable to downright idiotic in my eating habits in the past. Puttin' an end to that nonsense right away.
Wednesday was the welcome lunch for my new boss, and I worried that dining out would be a problem, but it really wasn't. Had the most delicious seafood salad, that was completely on program and would probably not have been my choice otherwise. Funny how that works. Then after I got out of my photography class, I found myself unable to stomach the idea of another sweet thing, and was a craving savory, salty, meaty something. Thinking I would still try to be "good", I got a protien style hamburger from Carl's Jr. EPIC DISASTER! My body HATED that choice and I got a bit sick.
A couple of mornings this week, I've woken up lightheaded and a bit woozy to the tummy. I'm taking this as part of my body adjusting to things. Suddenly giving up Diet Coke, I suspect, had everything to do with feeling super sick and having the world's most heinous headache. Its happened before when I tried to give DC up, so I know this will pass.
I can already see how I am going to survive on this program. Mostly it will come down to bars and the drinks and the crisps. They're all palatable, if not obnoxiously sweet, and FAR better than I would otherwise choose during the course of my day. Now that I'm about to get back into the pottery studio, it's going to be even more essential to have “good” meals be that easy and handy.
As for changes thus far, I have been remiss in measuring myself. I will this weekend. But I can already tell you that my body is feeling much different. My clothes are already looser, my feet and ankles aren't swollen by the end of a day of sitting at my desk, my energy is high, my mood is pretty good and while my hormones are clearly going through a shock / adjustment I suspect that will get on track soon enough.
Now, as I lay my head down to catch a few Zzzzs before work, I can still taste that horrible chemical aftertaste in my mouth. I'll get used to it. After all, I didn't always like Diet Coke.
This weekend, creating inspiration...
Monday wasn't bad, though I didn't make it to meal six. I was so tired of eating that I went home and crawled in bed without having had my lean and green. Tuesday was better, had leftover steak in the fridge (from my Death Row dinner on Sunday), but no veggies. Money's been super tight. Shopping hasn't been a priority. Already, I'm seeing how things have gone from questionable to downright idiotic in my eating habits in the past. Puttin' an end to that nonsense right away.
Wednesday was the welcome lunch for my new boss, and I worried that dining out would be a problem, but it really wasn't. Had the most delicious seafood salad, that was completely on program and would probably not have been my choice otherwise. Funny how that works. Then after I got out of my photography class, I found myself unable to stomach the idea of another sweet thing, and was a craving savory, salty, meaty something. Thinking I would still try to be "good", I got a protien style hamburger from Carl's Jr. EPIC DISASTER! My body HATED that choice and I got a bit sick.
A couple of mornings this week, I've woken up lightheaded and a bit woozy to the tummy. I'm taking this as part of my body adjusting to things. Suddenly giving up Diet Coke, I suspect, had everything to do with feeling super sick and having the world's most heinous headache. Its happened before when I tried to give DC up, so I know this will pass.
I can already see how I am going to survive on this program. Mostly it will come down to bars and the drinks and the crisps. They're all palatable, if not obnoxiously sweet, and FAR better than I would otherwise choose during the course of my day. Now that I'm about to get back into the pottery studio, it's going to be even more essential to have “good” meals be that easy and handy.
As for changes thus far, I have been remiss in measuring myself. I will this weekend. But I can already tell you that my body is feeling much different. My clothes are already looser, my feet and ankles aren't swollen by the end of a day of sitting at my desk, my energy is high, my mood is pretty good and while my hormones are clearly going through a shock / adjustment I suspect that will get on track soon enough.
Now, as I lay my head down to catch a few Zzzzs before work, I can still taste that horrible chemical aftertaste in my mouth. I'll get used to it. After all, I didn't always like Diet Coke.
This weekend, creating inspiration...
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